I had a gut feeling. It was rooted in the same vague void that made me quit my job, give up my apartment, and go on the road. It kept haunting me until it turned into what I call “My Early Existential Crisis.” This was me trying to understand the absurdity I had developed around a feeling of void. Even as a child, I felt like an outsider in my hometown. I felt out of place in the Arab world as if I had been born in the wrong place. I always thought of myself as someone who belonged to western culture. However, after finally coming to the United States, the feeling evolved and persisted. A decade later, I continue struggling to connect. With my layered cultural identities, I have felt that I don’t really belong anywhere. There is a fork in the road where I have to understand, “What’s Beyond All This?” This gut feeling kept haunting me until it became so strong that I couldn’t sit still.
I started my journey on the road in search of the answer to that one question, “What’s Beyond All This Repetitiveness of Life?” This is the one question that no human can find an answer to. I imagined I would reach a point in my search where I would have some kind of spiritual experience; where my body would become so numb to the reality I live that my soul awakens to its natural form. I wanted to document my experience going through this new journey, while contemplating my gut feeling, allowing me to meditate on all of these experiences using a collection of different mediums. From photographing and writing poems, to sketching and collecting documents that could speak to my experience.